Modern dating has been polluted with ‘rules’ that you supposedly ‘must follow’ or else you risk coming off too interested in someone or not interested enough. These rules try to tell you how quickly to text someone back, how many days you have to wait to call, and what we want to address today — how long to wait between a first and second date.
While we don’t believe there should be a hard and fast rule, we are going to share an answer and some additional criteria to consider.
You should wait at least a few days but not more than a few weeks for a second date.
The ideal time for a second date is between one and two weeks after your first date.
Here are the reasons why.
Waiting at least a few days gives each of you time to process the date.
First dates can be a lot for people. Between the nerves and the excitement, it can take a lot out of a person, even if they have an amazing time. By giving each other a little space after the date, you allow some time to decompress, which frees up the mind to truly assess how the date went.
The goal of a first date is to gauge compatibility and see if there is mutual interest for a second date. This requires time to analyze once the emotional high of the date has worn off.
It might feel like seeing them again asap is the best course of action, but letting things digest can be the better play.
Your date’s weekly availability is probably the same.
For most people, their work schedule and commitments tend to fall on the same nights every week. This means that the nights or night they’re usually free is probably the same. According to the Economic Policy Institute, 90% of workers have regular work schedules and only 7% of workers have split or rotating shifts.
What this means is that if they were free to go out on a Saturday night this week, the chances are high the nights they’ll be free in the future are also Saturdays. When deciding on how long to wait for a second date, make sure this weighs into your plans. If you ignore this, it’s not a deal breaker, but you run a much higher risk of getting a ‘no’ when you ask.
Anything longer than two weeks is a momentum killer.
On the other end of the spectrum, we do think that waiting too long between the first and second date can have a negative impact on the momentum of a new connection. The energy and excitement you built up wore off enough to digest the date, but it probably has also worn off so much that it’s nearly gone.
When scheduling your second date, try your best to have it occur within the first two weeks after the date.
If it can’t, it’s not the end of the world.
Special events can override these rules.
An exception to this idea of waiting a few days for a second date is when special events come up. For example, if you’re on your date and you both realize that you have the same favorite band and they’re playing a concert in town the next night, it’s probably a great idea to see if they want to go with you. Or if you start telling them about something you’re doing the next night or later that day and they seem really interested, it’s okay to invite them along (if you want them there, of course).
When unique circumstances come up that create unique opportunities for a special date with someone you just met, go for it.
Don’t overthink it.
Lastly, while we believe all of this is helpful information for deciding how long to wait between a first and second date, in the end, do what feels right. Don’t overthink it or do something that feels wrong just to ‘follow the rules’.
If you want to see someone sooner or you need to wait longer, don’t overthink it. It will be okay.