While a typical dating app will run you between $10 and $60 per month (with some premium options costing a few hundred), a personal matchmaking service is going to run you several thousand dollars. With the least expensive matchmaking package being at least six times as expensive as the most expensive dating app subscription we could find, the obvious question pops up—why are matchmaking services so dang expensive?
First, make sure you’re clear on the difference.
To properly explain the reason these services are so expensive, we need to ensure we’re all on the same page about what a matchmaking service is and how it works. A dating app is a website you access or an app you download that gives you access to search for potential romantic partners. It’s up to you to create your profile, search for matches (though sometimes algorithmic curation happens), have the conversations, and set up the date.
A matchmaking service, on the other hand, is a one-on-one, real person that you hire who gets to know you, searches for matches for you (whether in their database or in person), curates and talks to those matches for you, and then sets the dates up for you. All you have to do with a professional matchmaker is tell them about you, tell them what you’re looking for, wait for them to do all the work, and then show up for the date.
It’s important to understand this distinction as it’s integral in explaining the higher costs for matchmaking services.
Being ‘expensive’ is a relative term that requires clarification.
The real answer to why matchmakers are so expensive hinges on how we choose to define the word expensive. The dictionary definition of expensive is “costing a lot of money.” The challenge with this definition is that ‘a lot of money’ is relative to two things—how much money you have and how much value you place on finding a partner.
For example, we’d probably all agree that $100 for a candy bar is expensive. However, we’d probably also all agree that if you could buy a brand new car for $100, that is super cheap and in no way, shape, or form expensive.
Additionally, we’d all agree that paying $100 for a meal that is mediocre at best is way too expensive. However, paying $100 for a meal cooked by an expert chef may still cost a lot of money, but you might not deem it expensive because you’re getting immense value for what you’re paying.
We don’t want to go too far into the weeds here, but here’s the big takeaway.
The question you’re probably really asking is ‘why do matchmaking services cost a lot of money?’ It’s a small, nuanced difference, but the takeaway is that if you’re getting the value you want in trade for the larger investment, it might not actually be all that expensive.
The Reasons Matchmaking Services Cost More Money than Dating Apps
With all that said, let’s look at five of the reasons that you’re going to pay more for a professional matchmaker than you would with a more traditional dating app.
1. Individualized services are always going to be more expensive.
Think about things you pay for in your current life. If you hire a personal trainer vs. a group fitness class, which is more expensive? If you hire a personal tutor vs. taking a class, which is more expensive? Even if you take an Uber and choose Uber Pool (multiple people sharing the car) vs. your own Uber, which is more expensive?
As you can see, individualized services are always going to cost more—and for good reason. With a dating app, the costs are shared amongst all the users. With a matchmaking service, though, you are truly getting one-on-one service. And yes, that is going to (and should) cost more.
But—with paying more, you are getting more. In the coming sections, we’ll look at some of these individualized services and how they drive up the cost of using a professional matchmaker to levels that many may call expensive.
2. Building a network of potential matches costs time and money.
When you hire a matchmaker and they start looking for someone for you, they don’t just crack open the phonebook or start scrolling social media looking for someone. A good matchmaking service will have an established network of singles whom they have already spoken to, vetted, and developed a profile on.
For example, Tawkify has a network of over 1 million singles who they use to curate your matches from.
This costs time and money that’s been invested well before you signed up as a customer.
There’s a great story about a Chicago printing press that broke down the Saturday before Christmas and none of the technicians in-house could find the problem. In a panic, the company called an expert retired printer and offered to pay whatever it would cost for him to come fix the problem.
The printer showed up and within a matter of minutes, he turned one screw a quarter inch and the problem was solved!
A few days later, the bill for service showed up and was for $10,000. The printer was shocked at how high the bill was for so little work and in response asked the retired printer to itemize his bill. He obliged and the revised bill came saying $1.00 for the work of turning the screw and $9,999.00 for knowing which screw to turn.
The point of the story is that expertise is often built up long before you hire someone, and it’s the same with quality matchmakers.
Additionally, matchmakers have to be paid. The median salary for a professional matchmaker is $87k per year. Even with a small team, that can add up. For example, It’s Just Lunch Denver only has 6 employees, which is quite small for a matchmaking company. Even if we ignore the additional costs that come with having an employee, the hiring costs that are always higher, and the fact that many of these matchmakers might be making more than the median—that’s still $522,000 every year.
3. The vetting of matches costs time and money.
Not only do matchmakers build a network of matches, but they do take the time to get to know and vet these matches. Often, this involves interviews, processing applications, and in a lot of cases, background checks.
According to Criminal Watch Dog, the average background check costs between $25 and $45. If you take Tawkify’s 1 million members and assume they got a deal at $25 a check, that’s $25 million to check through their matching pool. Obviously, that’s a pretty hefty price tag that will need to be offset with higher membership prices.
Dating apps, on the other hand, do not conduct background checks. You’ll need to decide if this is something that is important to you or not.
4. You’re paying for expertise in picking out the right matches.
If you remember our story from earlier about the broken Chicago printing press, we talk about how the expertise in building the network of matches was important. However, the expertise doesn’t stop there. With a dating app, you have to pick who to message, who to connect with, and who to go out with.
When you use a matchmaking services, you are paying for an expert to get to know you and pick out the ideal matches for you, tell them about you, and set up the date for you.
Again, you’re paying for the expertise here, but you’re also paying for the raw time that it takes to go through millions of matches to find people who fit exactly what you’re looking for.
5. There are intangibles that matchmaking services do that drive up the cost.
While we’ve covered the main services offered by matchmakers that drive up the price, there are some intangibles and one-off services that can help to justify the higher pricing. Here’s a list of some of those things that you may get from professional matchmakers.
- Dating coaching (both formal and informal)
- Photo shoots and style consulting (like with Three Day Rule)
- Date planning and setup
- After date follow up and feedback sessions
- Image consulting
- Etiquette guidance
- Invites to exclusive social events
Dating apps may be more expensive than you are giving them credit for.
To close, there is one more thing we should look at. In our opening, we said that the lowest-cost matchmaking service was six times more expensive than the highest cost dating app subscription we could find (excluding one-off VIP options). However, this just looks at the raw subscription costs. It fails to address some of the hidden costs of dating apps and savings you get with a professional matchmaker.
Let’s look at a few of these. Bear in mind that many of these may be tough to tie to an exact dollar amount of savings, but you’ll be able to identify the value of each within your own life.
Your time is worth money.
One of the biggest perks of a matchmaking service is that it saves you time. Here’s how much time you might spend on a dating app:
- Sign up/create an account: 5 to 45 minutes
- Complete your profile: 30 min to several hours
- Search for matches: Anywhere from 30 minutes a day to several hours a day
- Talk to matches to set up dates: Could be hours, days, weeks, or longer
When you use a professional matchmaker, your onboarding takes about an hour. After that, all you have to do is show up for the dates and give some feedback afterward.
If your time is worth something to you, the expense of professional matchmaking starts to seem more reasonable.
Bad dates are expensive.
Obviously, matchmakers (at least some of them) are good at what they do or they wouldn’t still be in business. How good do they have to be to stay in business? Well, they need to (at the very least) be better at finding matches than the average person is. Otherwise, people wouldn’t need them.
We share this because bad dates are expensive. They cost time, money, and can take an emotional toll. Every time you go out with someone who is not a good fit, you have to pay for a date that is going nowhere, continue to pay for your dating app subscription, pay to get ready for the date (hair, makeup, get your car washed, etc.), and so many other things. Additionally, it can lead to burnout, which is expensive in so many other ways.
According to this study from Dr. Rachel Newcomb, PhD, the average cost of a date in the U.S. is between $12 and $123. If you look at the most popular city for matchmakers, NYC, the average cost of a date is $140. If you go on just five bad dates, you’re already out $700 just for the date itself (ignoring prep).
We’re not saying that you are only going to get good dates with a professional matchmaker, but if they’re good at what they do (which the evidence suggests), you’ll have fewer bad dates.