Two popular forms of meeting singles you’ve probably heard of are professional matchmaking services and speed dating. Both methods attempt to achieve the same goal, but approach it in wildly different manners.
Today, we’d like to do two things. We’d like help you understand the differences between matchmaking and speed dating, and also help share which one might work better for you.
Let’s start by defining how speed dating and matchmaking work.
To start, we want to make sure we all have a clear understanding of how each of these different styles of dating works. If you already understand how each works, feel free to skip down to the next section where we start the comparisons.
This is how speed dating works.
Speed dating refers to a one-time, one-off event designed to help singles meet. Here’s how it works. You show up along with a lot of other singles at a designated place and time. Usually, these take place at bars or restaurants in a designated section.
If it’s a hetero speed dating event, all the women sit at different tables and then all the men are placed at the same tables with one of the women. Each pair is given three to five minutes to talk and get to know each other and then a bell or buzzer rings. At that point, all the men get up and shift one table to sit and meet a new woman. They’re again given three to five minutes until the buzzer rings and they rotate again.
This goes on until you’ve met every potential match in the room. While you’re meeting each match, you are writing down on a piece of paper whether you are interested or not in that person. After the event, these papers are turned into the event’s host. If two people both indicated interest in the other, it’s a match and you’re both notified (later that week) and given each other’s contact information.
This is how matchmaking services work.
With a matchmaking service, you hire a one-on-one professional who is in charge of helping find you dates. You’ll share information about yourself and what you’re looking for. Your matchmaker takes that information and looks through their established network of singles or may go outside of their network to find you matches.
When they find someone they think you’ll like, they let you know, and you go on a date with that person. Typically, the matchmaker takes care of all the work and arrangements for the searching and setting up of the date. All you have to do is show up at a particular time and place and see if there is chemistry.
If you’re interested in learning more, we do have a guide on what it’s like to work with a real matchmaker that shares quite a bit more insight and information.
Here are 6 ways matchmaking and speed dating are different.
To help decide which option might work better for you, let’s look at the key differences between the two. As you read these differences, consider which reasons are or are not important to you.
1. Speed dating is a “shotgun” approach to dating.
On any given night at a speed dating event, you may meet 10, 20, 30, or more singles. With a professional matchmaker, you’ll generally go on one date per month.
While it’s tempting to think that more is better, you have to remember that the people you meet at a speed dating event are completely random and not selected for you. Generally, the only criteria they must meet is a wide age bracket.
The speed dating approach is a much broader numbers-type game, whereas matchmaking is more laser focused on trying to find the perfect person. It’s a quality vs quantity difference and arguably the biggest difference between matchmaking services and speed dating events.
2. Matchmaking services offer personalization, whereas speed dating only does so minimally.
We covered this in point one, but it’s worth focusing in on it a bit more. Generally, when you sign up for a speed dating event, you’ll see several events put on by the same company. The only difference between the events will be the age bracket.
Here’s a sample ad for a real speed dating event. Notice the only criteria to qualify is being within a 20 year age range.
When you work with a matchmaker, they take the time to learn your wants, needs, deal breakers, and pet peeves. There is no randomness with the person whom you go on a date with. Again, the big difference is quantity vs quality driven by personalization.
3. Matchmaking services are significantly more expensive than speed dating.
If you saw in the ad we just shared, tickets were between $20 and $40. For most speed dating events, this tends to be the norm. In some bigger cities like NYC or LA, you may see higher prices of $50 to $100. Keep in mind that these prices are per event. If you end up going to multiple events, the total can add up quickly.
Regardless of doing multiple events or not, the price point for speed dating is still considerably lower than it is for a professional matchmaking service.
Professional matchmaking services average around $3,000 for a 6 to 12 month membership. Even at $40 a pop, that would be 75 events for the price of your matchmaker membership.
If budget is tight, this might be a big factor in making your decision. That said, something as important as finding the right mate might be a decision you don’t want to make based solely on price.
4. The commitment level between the two options is different.
When you go to a speed dating event, you can be done within a few hours. If you don’t like it and never want to go to one again, you don’t have to. Almost every speed dating company sells event tickets on a per event basis. They don’t sell memberships or anything that involves a commitment.
With a professional matchmaking service, you’re signing up for anywhere from three months to three years, depending on the package that you choose. Couple this with the higher price point and it means matchmaking is a much larger commitment.
Is that a bad thing? Not really. It’s just different. And again, you’re most likely comparing these two options because you want to find a committed relationship.
If the idea of committing to a matchmaker or dating app scares you, and we mean this with all the love in the world, you may have some internal work you want to do before trying any of the options.
5. Speed dating may be more challenging for introverts.
While the time length commitment is greater with matchmaking, the emotional input could be a lot more with speed dating — especially for introverts. A lot of people share that first dates are stressful. Many people say that first dates get them nervous and can wear down their emotions.
With matchmaking, you go on one first date a month. With speed dating, you may go on 30 first dates in the matter of a couple of hours.
For a lot of people, this is a deal breaker with speed dating.
6. There may be some additional awkwardness with speed dating.
If you go on a date with someone through a matchmaker and it doesn’t work out, the chances are very slim that you’ll ever see them again.
If you go on a date with someone from a speed dating event and you decide to go back to another speed dating event, the chances are high that you’ll see that person again. Additionally, by the rules of speed dating, you’ll end up having to talk to them for three to five minutes.
Here’s something even more awkward. Let’s say you see someone at a speed dating event and select that you’re not interested in them. However, they selected they are interested in you. When they don’t get a call of a mutual match, they will know that you selected not interested. When you see them again at an upcoming event, it could get awkward because you’ll have to talk to someone who knows you rejected them.
Additionally, this could work in the other way. You’d most likely end up talking to at least a few people you were interested in who passed on you.
This isn’t necessarily a reason not to do speed dating, but it’s a big difference you need to be aware of.
7. Matchmaking works better with a full calendar.
Lastly, you have to think about your availability when doing this. Most speed dating events run on the same nights at the same times in most cities. If you aren’t available at those times, you’re out of luck. With a matchmaking service, they can work to coordinate your dates around your schedule.
One of the big perks of a matchmaking service is the flexibility and ability to accommodate your needs. Yes, you pay for it, but it is a perk.
Does speed dating or matchmaking work better?
So, ultimately, which option works better? Unfortunately, speed dating companies don’t release their data on results and most matchmaking companies hold that data close to the vest. When it comes to hard data, it’s hard to confidently provide a clear winner.
That said, we do think there is going to be a better option for you. We also think that which option that is will be dependent on your unique wants and needs.
Here’s a few ideas of who each option might be best for.
Speed dating might be best for people who:
- Have a tighter budget or don’t want to invest a lot of money into finding love
- Extroverts
- Are okay with the occasional awkward conversations
- Prefer to have more individual control over who they go out with
- Have the time to go to multiple speed dating events
On the other hand, matchmaking services might be best for people who:
- Have disposable income they’re willing to invest in the process
- Introverts or extroverts
- Prefer a personalized quality over quantity approach
- Have busier schedules or prefer to maximize their time
For us, we think if you have the disposable income, a professional matchmaker is probably the better option. That said, you can always at least try one speed dating event and see what you think without being out a lot of time or money.