Working with a matchmaker is supposed to be relaxing, exciting, and effective. However, sometimes the uncertainty of what to expect with the process paired with the higher price tag of one-on-one help can put you in a bit of a funk. And for most people, working with a professional matchmaker is not something you’ve done before.
Today, we want to walk you through exactly what you can expect when you work with a quality matchmaker. We’ll look at the different steps of the process, what you actually should and should not experience, and answer any burning questions you might have.
Ultimately, this information is designed to get you ready if you’ve already signed up with a matchmaker or to help you decide if hiring someone might be a good fit for you.
It’s important to understand what a matchmaker is and is not.
The biggest sources of confusion on this topic starts with an understanding (or lack of) about what a matchmaker is and is not. To clear up the confusion and better frame our discussion today, here are several things you should know and understand.
A matchmaker is a one-on-one service provider.
When you hire a matchmaker, you’re getting highly personalized service. You will have an actual person that you’ll interface with either in person, over the phone, or through video calls. You may get additional help from a team of people (coaches, photographers, image consultants, etc.), but it will all be highly tailored to you and only you.
A matchmaker does the heavy lifting for you.
The primary job of a matchmaker is to do the sifting and searching for you. When you use a dating app, it’s up to you to figure out what you’re looking for, learn how to use the search filters, and ultimately make the decisions on who you should try and approach. With a matchmaking service, all of that is handled for you.
A matchmaker is different than a dating app (in most cases).
As mentioned, using a dating app vs. using a matchmaking service is completely different (in most cases). Here’s how the two compare.
- Personal matchmakers are generally more expensive than dating apps.
- With a dating app, you’re in charge of sifting through matches. With a matchmaker, they do the search for you.
- Dating apps are typically used everyday. With a matchmaker, you’ll only hear from them a few times per month as they are getting feedback and setting up dates.
- The matching pool is generally smaller for a matchmaker, but a good matchmaker may be able to find better matches in the smaller pool than you would be able to in a larger group with a dating app.
Note: The one exception here is that some more traditional dating apps have highly specialized algorithms that curate matches for you. While it’s not being done by an actual person (like with a matchmaker), the experience is still the same, but at a fraction of the cost. The biggest example of this is eharmony.
A good matchmaker’s goal is more than just getting you dates.
Yes, your matchmaker’s main job is to help you go on dates. In fact, it’s what they’re contracted to do. However, a good matchmaker isn’t just setting you up on dates, they’re setting you up for success.
For example, the popular matchmaking service Three Day Rule doesn’t just set you up on dates. They also hire photographers to help you take better pictures to show potential matches and they set you up with a free dating coach to give you the best chance of success on your date.
They won’t go on the dates for you and they can’t guarantee compatibility, but they’ll do their best to equip you with what you need to have success.
The 6 Steps of Working with a Matchmaking Service
Now that we’ve discussed what a matchmaking service is and is not, it’s time to dig into what it’s like working with one. To start, let’s look at the six steps of the process you’ll go through. While there will be some variance amongst providers within each step, all processional matchmakers follow roughly the same system.
1. The Introductory Call
The first step of working with a matchmaker is the introductory phone call or in-person meeting. With nearly every provider, this call or meeting is exploratory and completely free of charge. During the meeting, the following things take place:
- You’ll share your goals, expectations, and what you’re hoping to accomplish by working with a matchmaker.
- Your matchmaker will get to know you and ask questions to start to get a feel for the type of person you’re looking for.
- They’ll share different package options available, how much it costs, and what is guaranteed.
- They may also share success stories from clients with similar stories to you.
- You’ll be able to ask any questions you might have about the process.
At the end of the call, you’ll have the option to hire the matchmaker or take a little time to think about it before moving forward.
2. The Contract
Once you decide to move forward with a matchmaker, you’ll need to sign a contract and pay for your service. The contract will outline every aspect of your arrangement to include things like:
- Pricing
- Guaranteed number of dates
- Requirements of you
- Requirements of the matchmaker
- Cancellation policy
- Refund policy
Make sure you take the time to fully read and understand what you are signing. There are small nuances that could come back to bite you if you don’t fully understand them.
For example, with the matchmaker It’s Just Lunch, if you’re not interested in going on a date with someone that they recommend for you, it still counts as one of the dates they’re contracted to show you. So, for example, if you sign up for a 12-date package and they show you 12 people that you don’t want to go out with, that’s all they’re required to do for you.
Is that unfair? Yes and no. The point isn’t whether or not it is fair. The point is that you need to understand your contract so that situations like this don’t catch you off guard.
3. The Curation Period
Once you sign your contract and officially become a client, the curation period begins. During this time, your matchmaker starts looking for your first date. The length of the curation period can vary from no time at all up to a month or two, depending on what you’re looking for and who they already have in their database (dating pool).
During this time, you won’t really be doing anything at all but waiting. Your matchmaker may be combing their database, going places to look for someone, and anything and everything they have in their arsenal to find you a date. While it won’t feel like much is happening, this is the time that your matchmaker is earning their keep finding you highly compatible matches (hopefully).
What if they can’t find anyone…
A popular question during this stage of working with a matchmaker is what happens if they can’t find you anyone. The answer is that it depends. Some matchmakers might try and force the most compatible match they have. Granted, this is not great for you, but we do see it happen. It looks to be one of the main reasons It’s Just Lunch was sued a few years back.
What other matchmakers will do is let you know they’re having to dig deeper, so the curation period may be longer. Again, how this works should be laid out in your contract. All that said, we’d much rather have our matchmaker tell us they need to look more than try to force someone. Keep in mind, though, that the bigger companies have hundreds of thousands of singles in their database, so this occurrence should be fairly rare.
4. The Dates
Once a match has been selected for you, it’s time to go on a date. How this works depends heavily on which service provider you’re working with.
Here are a few examples of the differences:
Tawkify Won’t Show You Any Pictures
With Tawkify, you won’t see who you are going on a date with until you show up for the date. You’ll know they are compatible based on what you outlined, but you’ll just know their first name and some general information about them. You will be told what they are wearing, so you’ll be able to find them on your date.
Here’s a couple Reddit threads talking about what someone knew about their date before meeting up. Remember, this is just for Tawkify.
“The dates themselves are true blind dates. My matchmaker would text me a short paragraph about them, and then upon confirming, would make a date like a week in advance, and then like an hour before each date, I would find out the person’s name. And that was it. No picture or anything like that.
So initially meeting can be awkward. This is literally the least organic way to meet someone as possible. Even on the apps, by the time you meet someone, you’ve mutually swiped right and have had some convo first. Here, you’re thrown straight to the wolves, and for some people, it can be difficult to get over the awkwardness.”
“To clarify, I knew the guy was in my age range, had compatible political/religious beliefs, and was looking for the same level of commitment as me. I met him at an outdoor bar where the matchmaker had made us a reservation, and was told his first name and what he was wearing about an hour beforehand.”
Three Day Rule Will Set Everything Up for You
With Three Day Rule, you’ll see your match’s photos and the entire date will be arranged for you. All you have to do is show up and have fun.
Here are a few things worth noting about the dates:
- If you are the client, you’ll be paying for the date. The matchmaker does not pay for the date.
- If the matchmaker doesn’t set up the date, they’ll give you suggestions on places to do so.
- Generally, dates that are set up are drinks, coffee, or sometimes dinner. You will have some say in this.
- Your date may be a person from their database or in some instances, it could be another client.
5. The After-Date Reflection, Feedback, and Tweaking
Once your date is over, you can expect to get a call from your matchmaker within the following few days. They’ll ask how things went, what you liked and didn’t like, and if you want to see that person again. They’ll also be asking your date the same questions.
Based on the information you share, your matchmaker will use that information to set up future dates, unless you’re planning on seeing that person again. The idea is to use each date to hone in more and more on what you are looking for until a successful match is made. Some matchmakers, like Three Day Rule, allow you to pause your membership if you find someone you like.
6. Rinse and Repeat
After that, the process continues until you meet someone special or you get to the end of your contract. Each date will happen, followed by a reflection and feedback period, and then you’ll either see that person again or get a new date.
Setting Your Expectations When Working With a Matchmaker
While we think the right matchmaker can do wonders in helping you find the love of your life, the key to a successful experience is setting the proper expectations. If you expect too much or think something is going to happen that doesn’t, it can be a major (and expensive) let down.
Please don’t take this section as an attempt to deter you from using a professional matchmaking service. We think it’s going to be a great fit for a lot of people. However, this section is designed to make sure you know what you’re getting into.
There are no guarantees you’ll find love.
You’ll find that while you’re guaranteed a certain number of dates, you are not guaranteed any results or success with those dates. Yes, your matchmaker will do their best to get you results, but at the end of the day they can’t control how someone else is going to feel.
You very well may find love.
On the other hand, you very well may find the love of your life! The upside here is tremendous, which is why people are willing to pay an arm and a leg to hire a matchmaking service. Remember, the best marketing a matchmaker could ever get is finding you someone special. You’d shout their praises from the rooftops after that.
Your mileage may vary.
This is a cliché phrase that means just because your friend had a great or terrible experience with a matchmaker doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll have the same experience. While it’s good to look into other people’s experiences, you can’t judge a matchmaker based on one good or bad experience. The secret when reviewing these programs is to look for themes and trends.