Hiring a matchmaking service is a big investment that can lead to you potentially finding the love of your life. However, not all matchmakers are great matchmakers. In fact, there are some that are pretty crummy and we’d go as far as to say are a waste of money.
So, how do you make sure you avoid a bad matchmaking service? To start, choose a reputable service provider. However, that isn’t always good enough. Within each company, you’ll be paired up with an individual matchmaker. Not every matchmaker, even at reputable matchmaking companies, is going to be great.
This means that on top of hiring a quality matchmaker, you’ll need to be on the lookout for red flags. Here are eight of the biggest to look out for.
1. They don’t take notes when you share important details with them.
This may seem small, but your matchmaker should take notes when you share important details with them. Even if it’s something small, you want a matchmaker who is demonstrating their attentiveness to you. Look for this during the first meeting.
And if your meetings aren’t in person? Push for video calls. You want to see your matchmaker during your meetings for a lot of reason, one of which is to see if they’re taking notes.
2. They ask about things you’ve already told them.
If you’re not able to see if they’re taking notes or not, you should look for the fruits of their attentiveness (or lack thereof). Do they ask you about things you’ve already told them? If they do it once, it may be excusable. But if you start to see a pattern, that’s a matchmaker red flag.
Additionally, this helps let you know if your matchmaker is paying attention to the notes they’re taking or if they’re just doing it for show. Remember, you’re paying a lot of money for this service, and you deserve the best.
3. They ignore your preferences.
Several matchmakers have ended up getting sued for failing to listen to the preferences of their clients. Often, your contract will have specific criteria that your matchmaker is contractually obligated to respect. If these are not being honored, you need to speak up immediately because that’s a massive red flag.
Unfortunately, this is a red flag you won’t be able to see until after you’ve contracted with someone. Still, it’s something that can be corrected if you make noise when it happens.
4. They’re hard to get ahold of.
If you find your matchmaker is “busy” or hard to get ahold of, that’s not a great sign. Yes, you should understand that they’re going to have other clients. Yes, you should not expect them to be ready to respond to your every message at the drop of a hat.
However, if it feels like a chore to try and track them down, that’s a major red flag. It might not necessarily mean they’re a bad matchmaker, but it’s a sign that they potentially have too many clients, which isn’t good for your experience.
5. They’re late to meetings or phone calls.
Call us old-fashioned, but we’re sticklers for punctuality. In this situation, it’s important for two reasons. Number one — you’re paying a lot of money and deserve someone who values your time. Number two — if they’re not organized and disciplined enough to be on time, you have to worry about how the quality of the rest of their work is going to be.
Now, this doesn’t mean to lose your mind the first time they are late to something. What you’re looking for is a pattern.
If it starts to happen more than once or multiple times, you might want to consider a different matchmaker (possibly with the same company) or consider having a serious conversation with your matchmaker about what’s going on.
6. They give you non-answers to questions.
You should absolutely ask a lot of questions before you hire a matchmaker. If you haven’t read our list of the questions to ask before signing a contract, you should do that now. When your matchmaker answers your questions, be on the lookout for evasive answers or non-answers.
If they’re in any way dismissive of your questions, that’s not a great sign. Their job is to offer you high quality service and walk you through the process. If they’re not doing that, they’re either not good at their job, or hiding something.
7. They make promises they can’t keep.
If a matchmaker promises you that you’re going to find love by hiring them, run for the hills. No quality matchmaker could or should ever make a promise like that because they can’t control how other people feel.
Yes, they can contractually promise you things like how many dates you’ll get, which deal breakers they will respect, etc. But if they promise that they can control how other people are going to emotionally feel, they shouldn’t be trusted.
8. They refuse to put things in the contract you want.
Speaking of contracts, you should ask for anything reasonable that’s important to you to be included in your matchmaking contract. If your matchmaker says they can’t edit your contract or they’re not able to add what you want, that’s a red flag. These are large purchases and ensuring you get what you expect is important.
Here’s an example of a real matchmaking contract. You’ll notice that they have a spot within the contract where you can write in anything additional that has been discussed.
Do not blindly trust their word, no matter how nice or cool they seem. Get it in writing.
That all said, make sure your request is reasonably something they can deliver on. If you’re asking them to ensure they bring you matches that will fall in love with you, that’s unreasonable.
Ultimately, you’re your best advocate.
At the end of the day, if you choose a reputable matchmaking service, you’re probably going to have a good experience. That said, it’s up to you to ensure you are making a good investment and getting everything you paid for.
You have to be your best advocate when selecting a matchmaker, hiring them, and going through the process. If you do that, you’ll be just fine.