Getting a girlfriend should be easy, right? If we’re to believe movies and TV, it is. And when we look around and see all of our friends in relationships, it feels like it should be so easy.
The problem? Movies and TV aren’t rooted in reality and the self-fulfilling prophesy makes us abnormally pay more attention to people we know who are in relationships.
The reality is that getting a gf isn’t as easy as it may seem — but it doesn’t have to be hard.
By leveraging the right strategies and looking in better places, the challenge of how to get a gf gets a lot easier. Today, we’re going to look at seven steps you can take to set yourself up to get a gf.
1. Tactfully leverage friends and family.
According to a recent YouGov study, nearly 1 in 4 (23%) people met their most recent partner through friends or family.
And according to a Stanford University study, that number is 1 in 5 (20%). In other words, getting a gf through friends or family is a pretty popular and effective option.
Here are some tips to get a gf through friends and family.
- Make it clear to your friends and family that you’re single and looking to meet someone.
- You don’t need to tell them multiple times. Do it once and be direct about it. Here’s a script you can use:
“Hey, I know you know a lot of cool people. No pressure and I don’t need an answer now but I’m single and trying to meet someone so if you think of someone or come across someone you think might be a good fit, let me know!”
- If you bring it up multiple times, it may come across as annoying and won’t inspire them to help.
- If they set you up with someone, say yes! Nothing will stop them from wanting to help you more than you saying no to someone they’re interested in setting you up.
2. Use a reputable online dating app.
While 20% or 1 in 5 sounds like a big number, we need to show you the rest of that Stanford study. Here’s the full data:
Nearly 40% of couples surveyed say they met online! That is impressive, to say the least.
For transparency, the YouGov study only has this at 16%, but it looks to have polled singles and couples, whereas the Stanford study only polled couples. One could make the argument that couples who are successfully dating is a much more powerful data set to look at. Additionally, the YouGov study looked at all of the ‘Americas’ most likely to include South America and Latin America, where Stanford’s study looked just at the United States.
The point to take away is that people are meeting and getting gfs through online dating apps. In 1995, it was only 2% and now it’s up to 40% of couples! Expect this to continue growing making this a must-try option for finding a gf.
If you want to check out a dating app and see our favorites (with free trial offers), check out our best dating apps list.
Here are some tips to get a gf through online dating apps.
- Put in the effort. Take great pictures, fill out your profile completely, and approach everything with a positive attitude. It will show in your results.
- Be realistic about your expectations. Online dating isn’t a magic potion or crystal ball. Yes, you will see a lot of great matches in a short period of time, but it still takes time to find someone to be your gf in a committed relationship.
- Take your time. It’s easy to overindulge in online dating and burn yourself out. Slow down and realize that you’ve got time. Think marathon and not sprint.
3. Hire a professional matchmaker.
While we’re on the topic of online dating, another option worth considering is hiring a professional matchmaker. When you do this, you enlist the help of an expert who works one-on-one with you to find girls to go on dates with.
You don’t have to do much other than tell them what you are looking for, show up for dates, and share your feedback.
Full transparency, while these services are incredibly helpful and effective, you will have to pay for them and they’re not cheap. The average matchmaker costs roughly $3,000 for the base package. It’s absolutely an investment, but one that could be worth it depending on your financial situation, how dedicated you are to finding love, and how much time you have to commit to the process..
If this does sound like something you’re interested in, our favorite option worth checking out is Three Day Rule.
4. Get involved in something you’re passionate about.
Often, a great way to enjoy yourself while looking to meet a special woman is to get involved in something you’re passionate about. Find a hobby you like, and get involved. Now, there are some caveats to be aware of.
- This might not work if the hobby you’re passionate about is male-dominated.
- Don’t select a hobby that doesn’t get you out of the house. No, gaming is not a great option here.
What we like about this option to get a gf is that if it doesn’t work, that’s okay. You won’t have been wasting your time doing something you don’t enjoy. You’ll probably make new friends, get better at your hobby, and grow as a person.
Here’s some interesting data on particular hobbies.
We wanted to share data from a study of 814 participants looking at what hobbies men think women are most attracted and what hobbies women are actually most (and least) attracted to.
To start, here are the top hobbies male respondents said that they think women like.
And here are the actual hobbies that female respondents said they actually like.
You’ll notice that the lists are wildly different, both in what is on them and in what order they are in.
And just for the added information, here are the top 15 hobbies that women marked as the least attractive. The chart below shows the percentage who marked it ‘attractive’, so the lower the number, the worse it is.
The idea of this data is not to entice you to pick a hobby that you aren’t actually interested in. But if you’re on the fence about a few hobbies you want to try or lean more into, this could be helpful.
5. Join a local recreational sports league
Another great place to meet women and potentially get a gf (while also making friends and having fun) is adult recreation leagues. These are organized leagues where you pay a few bucks and get to join a team to play sports like kickball, volleyball, soccer, etc.
The best part is that you don’t have to have enough people to create a team. You can join as a single player and they’ll put you on a team that needs more players.
Here are a few tips for trying to get a gf through a sports rec league.
- Focus on having fun. If you go into it as the ‘person trying to get a gf’ who is hitting on every woman on the team, it’s going to get awkward real fast.
- Pick a sport that tends to be less competitive. Sports like soccer and volleyball tend to attract serious players. Sports like kickball are way more casual and tend to be more focused on the social aspects of the experience.
6. Start saying ‘yes’ to invitations.
The more you get out there, the more people you will meet. This may mean you’ll meet a girl who could become your girlfriend, or you could meet someone who knows a girl who might eventually become your girlfriend.
There is no guarantee that you’ll meet someone special if you start saying ‘yes’ to attending events and get-togethers you normally wouldn’t attend. However, there is a 100% guarantee that you won’t meet anyone at any of these events if you keep saying ‘no’.
7. Learn to understand that ‘rejection’ is not what you think it is.
Many of these answers to how to get a gf involve you getting out there and meeting more people. But for those interactions to turn into a date that could lead to a relationship, you’re going to have to put yourself out there. Easier said than done for a lot of people.
Often, the main reason people are hesitant to put themselves out there is a fear of rejection. While we’re not going to dive into a full-on therapy session today, we do want to share something that may be helpful.
The majority of the time that someone says ‘no’ when you ask them out on a date has absolutely nothing to do with you. However, 100% of the time we hear ‘no’, we assume that it is a personal rejection of us. This disconnect is unjustly unhealthy to ourselves.
When someone says they don’t want to go out with you, there could be a million and one reasons why. They could be having a bad day. They could be too busy with a project at work. They could be having mental health challenges and not want to date. They could be fresh out of a relationship. They could be moving soon. You could remind them of someone from their past. They could be caught off guard and just say no as a reaction.
These are just a few of the reasons you could get ‘rejected’ and none of them have anything to do with you, your value, your attractiveness, your fitness to be a significant other — nothing. Yes, they could genuinely not be interested in you, but even that is nothing more than a difference of opinions.
If you can teach yourself to look at rejection not as something that determines your value and teach yourself that 9 times out of 10 it has nothing to do with you and is not personal, you’ll start to realize that hearing ‘no’ is no big deal.
One great way to start this process is removing the word ‘rejection’ from your vocabulary. Change “she rejected me” to “she said no” or “she didn’t agree”.