If you’ve read our article about what it’s like to work with a matchmaker, then you know that there’s a bit of a “black box” effect that happens. In other words, you provide inputs to your matchmaker (interests, goals, who you are, etc.) and then your matchmaker works their magic (that you don’t see) and then the output for you is a date. While you know the output is based on your inputs, you don’t know what happens “in the middle” to get to the result.
Is there anything wrong with this? Of course not. However, what it does mean is that the likelihood of getting a match you may not like is higher. Yes, you are saving a ton of time and getting the help of an expert, but nearly every single matchmaker presents you with a single date at a time—not a selection of options to pick from.
So, if that’s the case, what happens when you’re not happy with a match from a matchmaker? Let’s take a look.
Reason you might get a match you don’t like
The first thing we want to look at is the reasons you might get a match you don’t like from a professional matchmaker. We won’t spend a long time here, but it’s important to understand this before we can address how matchmakers deal with situations where you’re unhappy with the output (the dates they pick).
Here are the most common reasons you’ll get a match that you don’t like.
- It’s a one-off miss. – Matchmakers (good ones) try their best. Sometimes, they miss. As long as this doesn’t become a pattern or you don’t see improvement from match to match, this is probably something to accept as part of the process.
- Your matchmaker isn’t very good. – Not every matchmaker is a great matchmaker. If you hired the wrong company or got matched with a dud at a good company (rare, but it happens), you may see more matches you aren’t happy with.
- Your matchmaker is still learning about you. – The first few matches you get versus the last few matches you get may be wildly different in how well they hit the mark. As your matchmaker learns more about you, they should be able to better dial in the selections.
- You need to do better conveying what you are looking for. – It’s only fair to accept that a matchmaker can only go off the information you share with them. It’s important to make sure you’re giving them everything they ask for and more. Brutal honesty about you and what you want goes a long way to limiting bad matches.
Regardless of the reason, though, if you’re not happy, you’re not happy. So, what happens when you aren’t happy with a match option? Here are the things you need to know.
You won’t get a refund or a credit unless it breaches your contract.
Most matchmaker contracts clearly state that your satisfaction with your matches is not grounds for a refund, a credit, or even a new match.
While this might sound harsh, it makes sense. If they had to “replace” ever match a client didn’t hit it off with or didn’t feel was perfect, they’d be doing an exorbitant amount of work that wouldn’t be fair for them. They do their best, but can’t guarantee that you’ll find love.
On that same note, a large portion of their business comes through referrals, which only come from success stories. So, it is in their best interest to do the best they can.
There is one caveat to all of this. Many companies have what they call “deal breakers” (or some variation of that phrase) to refer to things that are must-haves for you. Generally, within your contract, it will say that these need to be respected for a match to count as part of what you purchased.
For example, Three Day Rule makes this a deliberate part of their onboarding process. Here’s a quote from a customer who points out that these were respected throughout the whole process.
These aren’t always respected, though. If you read our review of It’s Just Lunch (arguably the most well-known professional matchmaker), you’ll see that part of a lawsuit allegation against them (that they lost) mentioned they weren’t respecting people’s deal breaker requests.
Best advice here is to sort out your deal breakers and whether or not those will be treated as such before you get your first match.
Your matchmaker should take your feedback and apply it immediately.
What should happen when you get a match you don’t like is that your matchmaker goes into hyper speed to figure out why you didn’t like them so they can ensure it doesn’t happen again.
A low-quality matchmaker will try and make you feel like it’s your fault. A great matchmaker will acknowledge that they don’t always get it right and immediately start asking very specific questions to ensure the next match is on point.